i would punch a child for taco bell
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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