shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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