Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
