remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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