Can i not drive my cunt home
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
