Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
