You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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