wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
