Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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