Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
