Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
