There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
