I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
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