Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
