i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
