We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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