If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
These tits shall not be calmed
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
