I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
