if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
