Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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