Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
