well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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