i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
