dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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