Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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