I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
