you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Houston, we have a squirter
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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