4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
