lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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