the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
