I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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