when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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