I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
