I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
This is classic penis vs brain.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
