ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
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I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
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Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.