Texts From Last Night

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  (949): View more from California

  just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL

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  (949): just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL http://tfl.nu/7k6t
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.

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  (617): So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park. http://tfl.nu/bxwf
  Replies (13) Good night (2704) Bad night (658)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?

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  (502): It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it? http://tfl.nu/bh2w
  Replies (13) Good night (466) Bad night (4202) Order T-Shirt
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  (716): View more from New York

  Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.

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  (716): Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise. http://tfl.nu/ygq6
  Replies (14) Good night (4381) Bad night (503) Order T-Shirt
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.

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  (540): Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring. http://tfl.nu/sgce
  Replies (18) Good night (977) Bad night (3341) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating

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  (314): i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating http://tfl.nu/x9qt
  Replies (45) Good night (5066) Bad night (533) Order T-Shirt
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?

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  (720): My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this? http://tfl.nu/za6z
  Replies (18) Good night (5883) Bad night (891) Order T-Shirt
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation

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  (507): How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation http://tfl.nu/mdo6
  Replies (29) Good night (1712) Bad night (5908) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket

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  (817): i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket http://tfl.nu/0h42
  Replies (2) Good night (575) Bad night (2083) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.

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  (215): I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore. http://tfl.nu/m8nz
  Replies (9) Good night (2763) Bad night (712) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct

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  (860): I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct http://tfl.nu/jyp0
  Replies (3) Good night (1558) Bad night (369) Order T-Shirt
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?

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  (256): Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we? http://tfl.nu/5put
  Replies (2) Good night (859) Bad night (323) Order T-Shirt
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  (607): View more from New York

  Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care

  (315): View more from New York

  I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.

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  (607): Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care (315): I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt. http://tfl.nu/8ucq
  Replies (4) Good night (1064) Bad night (512)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.

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  (303): Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place. http://tfl.nu/duki
  Replies (8) Good night (263) Bad night (988) Order T-Shirt
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.

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  (904): Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one. http://tfl.nu/jh8z
  Replies (4) Good night (1358) Bad night (176) Order T-Shirt

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