if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.