the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.