He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
