dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
