Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
