hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
