I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Bring me that man meat
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
