i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
