Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
