i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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