New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He kissed a someone with a penis
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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