The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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