Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
