He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
