Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
