So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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