Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
