I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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