they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My penis needs a shock collar
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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