they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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