Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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