Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
