I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
