shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
