pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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