I have demons in me.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
