fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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